Something about the end of the year brings a sense of peace and action into the atmosphere. Families and friends gather to celebrate the holidays, workplaces are busy and also festive, and the cold brisk nights brings people together to seek warmth and comfort.
It’s also Sagittarius season! The optimistic, scholarly and enthusiastic centaurs have come out to play, so there is a light and bright energy coming through to pump the energy back up. After the intense transformation of the Scorpio season, this joyful time is needed.
This year, though, things feel different. Ever since the pandemic, things have really become so internal and personal, which is good in many ways! It might feel lonely, and truly in a lot of ways it is. But I believe that solitude for a season does the spirit well!
I’m a native NY LI’er and even though I spent most of my days on the island, I would always venture into the city for adventures and fun. I cannot believe that in early 2020 and before, we would really be so close to one another. The subways were notoriously crowded and bunched together, and the idea of personal space was so far fetched. But today, walking through NYC feels spacious oddly!
As hard as it was to adjust, I personally appreciated the personal space that the pandemic forced. There were so many cons that burdened us as a society that came with the pandemic. But I did my best to find as many pros as I could to bring balance to the chaos of our new reality, in true Sagittarius form. I come from a pretty decent sized family, so boundaries and personal space felt like a luxury most times.
I do miss the carefree nature we used to have, unafraid of the cold and flu season; yet in the same breath, I feel relief that boundaries are a common thing now.
I have always felt a common thread that was woven through everyone, where community was the driving force for so many of our daily decisions. But as we were separated from our loved ones in fear, I think we learned to find comfort in our own selves and bodies.
Solitude has a powerful way of teaching you life’s lessons, so that you learn them and never forget them. I believe that solitude and silence are deep forms of meditation that we often need, but label as unimportant or unnecessary in some cases. But I have found that meditation, solitude and silence are the cornerstone of my mental health these days.
We are always expected to have a response, or an answer to a question. But sometimes, we simply do not have anything to say, or we shouldn’t!
That quote was PIVOTAL for me this year. I spent the first quarter of my life being a little ticking time bomb, reacting and making waves over everything. But as time has progressed, and I get closer to my 30’s (saturn return), I find silence to be my most favorable tool.
Silence and reflection keep me grounded. I used to think I needed to let it be known how I felt, because in some way, that confrontation would validate that emotion for me. But now I KNOW, only I validate my emotions, and not everything needs to be spoken on in that moment.
I do believe and love talking things out, because I love open and fluid communication. But not everything requires a response immediately or at all. Some things are truly better left unspoken. It’s pertinent for your peace. Peace is gold.
As we enter this refreshing season of optimism, reflect on your needs, embrace the adventures, savor in the festivities, and spend some time with yourself. May this Sagittarius/end of the year season bring you fortune, blessings, and so much joy internally.
If you were ever labeled “sensitive”, “emotional”, “cry-baby”, etc. then this blog post is for you! If you’re irritated with people like this in your life, you should also take a chance and read this too, so you can better comprehend (even if you choose to distance yourself from them in the end! Wisdom never hurts.)
Sometimes it feels like this topic gets beaten over the head, and there’s always this frustration around sensitivity. I guess that’s probably why there are so many articles out there now. Truth is, I don’t care how many times I have to talk about it, or how people choose to see it, because everyone needs guidance at some point in their life, and sometimes an article makes the world of a difference. The articles I have read changed the feelings of worthlessness and inherent wrongness, to acceptance of myself, simply because I was able to connect with somebody that inner-stood! And I have found that even if I can’t always find an article to relate, just one can change the way I see and utilize my inner-strength. That one moment of support helped me achieve a much more independent state of self-validation, which is ultimately the goal.
It made a world of a difference, so I want to offer the same to someone that might feel this way too. Some people need to distract themselves to feel better. Others just need to talk or feel heard and seen. We all have different emotional needs! That’s the beauty of this life.
But when others are irritated with your emotional expression, and choose to shame and punish you for it, it is easy to fall into unhealthy patterns of repression and anger. I personally experienced that and had to fight off the urge to do what they did and fall back into old patterns when people treat me that way.
But today, I have learned to pause, retreat, review and respond. And sometimes, no response is the best response. Not everything is personal, no matter how much it may look personal. It’s a hard lesson to learn and accept, but people’s judgments and intolerances are connected to their personal worlds and wounds. Learning that and accepting that people can sometimes utilize that counterintuitive practice has helped me to let go of judgments that don’t relate to me. My sensitive nature can be strengthened, if only I choose to see it that way and work toward it. And how people feel about it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
“I don’t like the feeling around my emotional needs being judged” is no longer a viable reason for shutting down or doing what others think is best for me anymore. On the contrary, it is SUPER important to talk about these things with people that see you, or simply with yourself.That flow in communication is what makes its effects less painful, and it is through conversation that knowledge becomes wisdom.
But finding a listening ear, paired with compassionate honesty is like finding a rare gemstone, especially with how sensitivity can be portrayed these days. You’re seen as a burden, annoying, or even oblivious; and while you might manifest some negative traits here and there, you’re neither a burden nor annoying just for being yourself. You are growing! Growth is awkward and sometimes not the most appealing to the eye or heart. But you can be corrected and you can grow through that! You’re just around the wrong people. Tons of weight was dropped this year for myself and everyone around me, when I stopped emotionally dumping and questioned myself.
“Why do I keep looking for emotional validation outside of myself?”
Even if necessary, it was truly so painful answering that question I didn’t like the idea of being alone with my feelings, mostly because I didn’t know what to do with them.
So I learned the comfort of my own presence. The greatest gift you can give yourself is your friendship.
When we lose loved ones or become distant, it is devastating because losses can be unexpected and shocking, and some can be based around misunderstandings, too. In the past, I would immediately work to patch it up and work through the awkward energy. But today, I pause and think about the person before me. Maybe they aren’t in a good space, or I do not belong in close proximity anymore. Everyone is entitled to boundaries. But more importantly, some people may not know how to help you through those moments. I have learned to respect them and flow through the changes. I don’t feel that it’s my place to pretend I am okay at the cost of myself, for the benefit of the “status quo” anymore, so I don’t deny myself my emotions. However, I allow changes in my relationships, because people evolve and deserve that grace. Taking care of my reactions and emotions creates space for a variation of relationships to blossom. It may not be what I envision at all times, but it is what we ALL need, so that is what matters to me. No one should be forced to support you, if they don’t have the tools to help.
So this year, after reflecting on the constant emotional rejection and social pressures of being less sensitive, I reached out to a friend of mine that I knew would have a deeper and more compassionate perspective, from personal experience. I knew we would softly discuss my own irritation with bothering myself and other people with my sensitivity. It saddened me to know that my emotional self caused irritation to people (and myself) at my most vulnerable moments at times. But I am learning to let that go. No one cares like I do at times. And guess what? That is who I am. No one else experiences my emotions for me, besides me! So why do others have to tell me it’s okay? I have the ability to feel SO DEEPLY. But it doesn’t have to be scary. Remember that emotions are so fleeting.
Even if there is always a desire from others to justify the constant desire to change my nature, rather than a desire to nurture and understand it, I refuse to go against my nature and my superpower. I have learned to practice drawing the line on my reactions instead. I experience emotions, but it is up to me how they affect me.
Everyone can benefit from a sensitive person in their group, but not everyone has the patience or compassion skills for the mistakes they will make along the way. But that drove me to find ways to change my perspective and drop that unnecessary weight within myself!
Your sensitivity is your superpower! But that comes with a huge responsibility: harness your power and know when to use it.
It’s hard not to feel alone, embarrassed, rejected, and mocked for being yourself, all while learning your gifts. Especially when you have felt that way your whole life. Not everyone will understand. Learn to be okay with that, and you will find a different kind of peace. This world is full of paradoxes and painful reminders of our shortcomings. Choose to see the better side of it too. You need to find your balance. Being an empath or a sensitive person can be challenging. Embrace it anyway!
Duality, like a double edged sword, takes practice in handling. If you focus on only one side, the sweetness, then the other side, the bitterness, cuts deep. Too much of either one is poison. Balance will be your greatest tool of protection! You are capable. Trust yourself to walk through the trenches, while remembering that the light will follow soon.
For winter this year, I decided to step away from social media and instead write an excerpt on my blog every month, if I could help it. Just for me! I decided that I want and need to check-in with myself and talk myself through my feelings, my thoughts, my life, and my goals until it is an active and fluid part of my nature.
I am usually such a silent person, keeping everything to myself. I keep my emotions at bay, and cater to the people around me very often. I only express my TRUE and REAL feelings to my most trusted companions.
I have been so guarded my entire life. Why? Because I was raised that way. In the past, I would express myself and wouldn’t feel understood. I felt like a bother just for HAVING FEELINGS! For years, it HURT so bad that I was in a deep depression about it. I hated my life. I hated myself for not speaking up. I hated myself for being so different, so emotional, so needy, so human, so…. sensitive.
But now, I am embracing that my sensitivity is truly my superpower — and that means that it requires a certain level of care and respect. I am really intuitive, really emotionally intelligent, and compassionate when I am at my best. But it’s truly a double-edge sword, if you don’t watch yourself or take care of your gift. You have to spend that time in solitude because a deep wisdom is within you.
Artwork by @sistercody via Instagram
I would put my gift in the hands of other people, as if they understood what to do with it. We have ALL gone through traumas in life…. let’s be real. But WAY TOO OFTEN, we disregard, dismiss, or deny the trauma of others that seems “melodramatic” or “insignificant” because of our own tainted lenses of life experience influencing our compassion. We can’t show up for others because we are too focused on our own wounds.
But see… that’s the biggest problem we face as human beings. Instead of trying to see each other and help each other, we succumb to the belief that our wounds are more important, belittle the experience of another person in the process.
As the “supporting” member of my current tribe, I have been involved in so many mediations and relationship hiccups, as someone who tried to give objective advice, while affirming my loved ones. But I’ve seen it and experienced it myself! Too often I saw people at odds with each other because they couldn’t take turns looking at each other’s wounds. It’s too painful.
I have personally felt the effects of this influence in my life. It caused me to shut down each time. But I don’t invest that way anymore. I no longer put my happiness and more importantly, MY VOICE, in the hands of other people. I deserve better, and I know better.
It took me a while to get here, and assert myself. But it truly felt like life or death. So I chose instead to operate in a way that is self-serving and serving to others in a BALANCED and HONEST way.
If you are anything like me, just know this: it’s never too late to change course. Choose yourself! Because in doing so, you choose the best path in life. When you choose yourself, charge yourself up, and honor your needs, you can show up as the best version of yourself, and serve 20x more diligently in TRUE love. You can be the vessel you want to really be in this world. Serve, but then rest!
For a too long I navigated life with lenses of anger, resentment, and fear. I was afraid of love, and quite honestly, just didn’t know how to accept genuine kindness and affection. I was treated like sh*t a lot in my life, so I really believed that to be true.
Part of it was out of my control, at the hands of my beautiful and imperfect loved ones.
Traumas were passed down like heirlooms.
Daniposa
The other part of it was from my own doing, in bringing those same dynamics to life in my other relationships, based on the belief that I wasn’t worth much. So I people-pleased. A LOT. I do a lot of self-talk and make sure I do consider myself now.
For a while, I just couldn’t snap out of those dynamics, or those belief systems, because it was SO deep and its roots were at the CORE of my soul. But I was determined to change it, because I just couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to die, because that was my life. I hated every second of it, and I WAS THE ONE who held onto this idea of life and implemented those beliefs for so long. And it did serve me, at the time for survival. But TODAY… it just destroys me, and I deteriorate, forfeiting a life of abundance in that state of being.
So I disappeared, when I was afraid because I didn’t believe I was shit! And I didn’t know how to speak up, or stand firm in what I felt or believed, whenever someone disagreed or was upset with me, or upset me. And most of the time, I didn’t have anything to say because I didn’t have the energy, or I just didn’t see the point in talking to someone that was set on misunderstanding me.
But there were PLENTY of times where I shut myself down, when I should have spoken up.
Why?
Fear.
Of what?
Everything and everyone. Not being “perfect.” And a huge part of that thinking came from my Christian upbringing, as a Pastor’s kid that was judged and micro-analyzed, and “molded” to be a “good example” to the world. I mean… phew. Forget my humanity. Hard doesn’t begin to describe that experience.
And to some, it’s not, and that’s just what it is. But to me, it was. That was the foundation of my faith, of my spiritual walk, of my spiritual beliefs of God and myself. I was living a life in pursuit of perfection, and I wanted to die and disappear every single time I fell short. I didn’t believe I was worthy of ANYTHING good when I was stuck in my imperfections, because if it was negative or bad it meant the devil was near. So I demonized a lot of negative emotions and experiences, when in reality, they were normal, real and just human.
So how could I possibly be happy? How could I possibly claim to be myself? Truthfully, I didn’t feel like I had been myself, nor present, for a loooong time. Too long. I was a constant force of energy, bouncing from place-to-place, not having anything that I could truly depend on, with no true and set foundation for ME. And that was my fault, in a lot of ways. But in a lot of other ways, it wasn’t.
Regardless of fault, I knew one thing: it was MY responsibility to change it. Life comes with guarantees of death and pain. And at one point, that meant despair and hopelessness. But now, I see those two circumstances as FUEL. They are inevitable, and often carry the GREATEST lessons that I have ever learned. They are filled with lessons that we truly NEED. Purpose and hope are also guaranteed, with the condition that you have faith. That is always the best source of strength.
So often we are focused on happiness, love, joy and all the good things in life. And we should be, so we don’t lose hope. But I have learned that I cannot deny or pretend that pain and death don’t exist, or visit often. So I had to come to peace with that, I had to find the good in that darkness. I had to change my life around, and see things differently. I needed to trust that the darkness would produce in me a different strength, and would give me all the tools I need to survive this sometime-cold-sometime-phenomenal world. I needed the darkness to teach me to find my way, no matter the circumstances.
This is a dynamic life we live full of hypocrisies, inconsistencies, extremes, and crazy experiences. But I’ve learned to coexist with both the good and the bad, not carrying fear in my heart. I am no longer demonizing myself or others for their imperfections and shortcomings. I am no longer carrying the pain as something that doesn’t belong, nor am I clinging. Because it belongs there, just as much as my joy, and it deserves the time, the honor, and the acknowledgment. And then I deserve to release it. I’m also extending grace, love, and compassion to others in the same way I show it to myself, because we all need it and deserve it now more than ever.
This is just the beginning. I hope that if you are someone that relates, you feel encouraged. I see you. I understand you. And I will share my journey with you, for as long as I can. Negativity is overflowing in this world. I hope this little flutter of positivity makes its way to your eyes, to soothe your grieving heart.
Daniposa 