Golden Peace

Something about the end of the year brings a sense of peace and action into the atmosphere. Families and friends gather to celebrate the holidays, workplaces are busy and also festive, and the cold brisk nights brings people together to seek warmth and comfort. 

It’s also Sagittarius season! The optimistic, scholarly and enthusiastic centaurs have come out to play, so there is a light and bright energy coming through to pump the energy back up. After the intense transformation of the Scorpio season, this joyful time is needed. 

Photo by Joanne Reed on Pexels.com

This year, though, things feel different. Ever since the pandemic, things have really become so internal and personal, which is good in many ways! It might feel lonely, and truly in a lot of ways it is. But I believe that solitude for a season does the spirit well!

I’m a native NY LI’er and even though I spent most of my days on the island, I would always venture into the city for adventures and fun. I cannot believe that in early 2020 and before, we would really be so close to one another. The subways were notoriously crowded and bunched together, and the idea of personal space was so far fetched. But today, walking through NYC feels spacious oddly!

As hard as it was to adjust, I personally appreciated the personal space that the pandemic forced. There were so many cons that burdened us as a society that came with the pandemic. But I did my best to find as many pros as I could to bring balance to the chaos of our new reality, in true Sagittarius form. I come from a pretty decent sized family, so boundaries and personal space felt like a luxury most times.

Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels.com

I do miss the carefree nature we used to have, unafraid of the cold and flu season; yet in the same breath, I feel relief that boundaries are a common thing now. 

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

I have always felt a common thread that was woven through everyone, where community was the driving force for so many of our daily decisions. But as we were separated from our loved ones in fear, I think we learned to find comfort in our own selves and bodies. 

Solitude has a powerful way of teaching you life’s lessons, so that you learn them and never forget them. I believe that solitude and silence are deep forms of meditation that we often need, but label as unimportant or unnecessary in some cases. But I have found that meditation, solitude and silence are the cornerstone of my mental health these days.

We are always expected to have a response, or an answer to a question. But sometimes, we simply do not have anything to say, or we shouldn’t!

Pause before you react.

Photo by Tara Winstead on Pexels.com

That quote was PIVOTAL for me this year. I spent the first quarter of my life being a little ticking time bomb, reacting and making waves over everything. But as time has progressed, and I get closer to my 30’s (saturn return), I find silence to be my most favorable tool. 

Silence and reflection keep me grounded. I used to think I needed to let it be known how I felt, because in some way, that confrontation would validate that emotion for me. But now I KNOW, only I validate my emotions, and not everything needs to be spoken on in that moment. 

I do believe and love talking things out, because I love open and fluid communication. But not everything requires a response immediately or at all. Some things are truly better left unspoken. It’s pertinent for your peace. Peace is gold.

As we enter this refreshing season of optimism, reflect on your needs, embrace the adventures, savor in the festivities, and spend some time with yourself. May this Sagittarius/end of the year season bring you fortune, blessings, and so much joy internally.

Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Pexels.com

Love eternally, Daniposa. 

New Beginnings November

Happy November!

You can smell the crisp air and feel the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet. It’s officially feeling like the fall season.

Photo by Artem Saranin on Pexels.com

With the Autumn approaching, of course we tend to think of the things that are changing in our lives, just like the seasons and the leaves. Change does sometimes mean losing something. However, it is also a beginning!

Our lives have ebbs and flows. Ends and beginnings are illusions. Starting over is nothing more than recognizing The Pause before picking up your thread and continuing to weave your own story.

Molly M. Cantrell-Kraig

All of those cliches we heard our entire lives finally make sense and apply! As painful as changes can be, they also present us with opportunities for something new. New is what we need!

Every exit is an entrance to someplace else.

Patti LaBelle
Photo by Exelsius Adam on Pexels.com

Routines and rituals are so important to our day-to-day lives. But we can get caught up and locked up in them, not leaving space for growth. Often times what we need most, when things feel stagnant and boring, is a change! It’s like adding flavor to plain frosting.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

You gain so much versatility and strength when you learn to be adaptable and flexible. We talk about those skill sets a lot when it relates to work, but I think that we should apply it to our lives on a more granular level. Do you remember those movie scenes where time passes by so quickly, but nothing really changes? Those time lapse moments happen when we go into autopilot, and we are no longer actively participating in our lives, and just moving our bodies through the day.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes that’s just where life is, and things have to get done, so autopilot helps you to gain your energy back while that moment passes. But when you remain in autopilot for so long, you aren’t driving anymore.

Photo by Ricardo Esquivel on Pexels.com

It’s almost as if you’re giving up the control and allowing things to stay exactly where they are, no matter what roadblocks come. That’s dangerous iceberg territory.

Photo by Jean-Christophe Andru00e9 on Pexels.com

Learning to go in different directions, allowing your options to remain flexible, is key to decreasing frustration and anxiety from your life. The mystery of what is to come can be a great thing, if you let it be.

Photo by Manfred Legasto Francisco on Pexels.com

As I mentioned in previous blogs, sometimes you can feel like the rug is pulled from beneath you. Learning to adapt and navigate the changes with more grace, patience, and fun makes it worth the challenge. Eventually you’ll feel the tugging before the big pull, and your feet will fly high enough to help you see the bigger picture from above, as you watch it land into cohesive fragments of life, ready to catch you.

What better time than NO-vember!? Say NO to everything outdated holding you back, and embrace making space for the new.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

May this NO-vember bring you new beginnings, boundaries, beautiful experiences, and blissful bouncing. Plus, who doesn’t like the first taste of something new. It’s so refreshing!

Photo by Anna Tis on Pexels.com

Eternally, Daniposa.

Protecting & Strengthening Your Sensitivity

If you were ever labeled “sensitive”, “emotional”, “cry-baby”, etc. then this blog post is for you! If you’re irritated with people like this in your life, you should also take a chance and read this too, so you can better comprehend (even if you choose to distance yourself from them in the end! Wisdom never hurts.)

Photo by Liza Summer on Pexels.com

Sometimes it feels like this topic gets beaten over the head, and there’s always this frustration around sensitivity. I guess that’s probably why there are so many articles out there now. Truth is, I don’t care how many times I have to talk about it, or how people choose to see it, because everyone needs guidance at some point in their life, and sometimes an article makes the world of a difference. The articles I have read changed the feelings of worthlessness and inherent wrongness, to acceptance of myself, simply because I was able to connect with somebody that inner-stood! And I have found that even if I can’t always find an article to relate, just one can change the way I see and utilize my inner-strength. That one moment of support helped me achieve a much more independent state of self-validation, which is ultimately the goal.

Photo by Galvu00e3o Menacho on Pexels.com

It made a world of a difference, so I want to offer the same to someone that might feel this way too. Some people need to distract themselves to feel better. Others just need to talk or feel heard and seen. We all have different emotional needs! That’s the beauty of this life.

Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

But when others are irritated with your emotional expression, and choose to shame and punish you for it, it is easy to fall into unhealthy patterns of repression and anger. I personally experienced that and had to fight off the urge to do what they did and fall back into old patterns when people treat me that way.

But today, I have learned to pause, retreat, review and respond. And sometimes, no response is the best response. Not everything is personal, no matter how much it may look personal. It’s a hard lesson to learn and accept, but people’s judgments and intolerances are connected to their personal worlds and wounds. Learning that and accepting that people can sometimes utilize that counterintuitive practice has helped me to let go of judgments that don’t relate to me. My sensitive nature can be strengthened, if only I choose to see it that way and work toward it. And how people feel about it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

Photo by Anny Patterson on Pexels.com

Your sensitivity is your divinity.

Imani Cohen, The Hood Healer

“I don’t like the feeling around my emotional needs being judged” is no longer a viable reason for shutting down or doing what others think is best for me anymore. On the contrary, it is SUPER important to talk about these things with people that see you, or simply with yourself. That flow in communication is what makes its effects less painful, and it is through conversation that knowledge becomes wisdom.

But finding a listening ear, paired with compassionate honesty is like finding a rare gemstone, especially with how sensitivity can be portrayed these days. You’re seen as a burden, annoying, or even oblivious; and while you might manifest some negative traits here and there, you’re neither a burden nor annoying just for being yourself. You are growing! Growth is awkward and sometimes not the most appealing to the eye or heart. But you can be corrected and you can grow through that! You’re just around the wrong people. Tons of weight was dropped this year for myself and everyone around me, when I stopped emotionally dumping and questioned myself.

Photo by Ena Marinkovic on Pexels.com

“Why do I keep looking for emotional validation outside of myself?”

Even if necessary, it was truly so painful answering that question I didn’t like the idea of being alone with my feelings, mostly because I didn’t know what to do with them.

So I learned the comfort of my own presence. The greatest gift you can give yourself is your friendship.

Photo by Disha Sheta on Pexels.com

When we lose loved ones or become distant, it is devastating because losses can be unexpected and shocking, and some can be based around misunderstandings, too. In the past, I would immediately work to patch it up and work through the awkward energy. But today, I pause and think about the person before me. Maybe they aren’t in a good space, or I do not belong in close proximity anymore. Everyone is entitled to boundaries. But more importantly, some people may not know how to help you through those moments. I have learned to respect them and flow through the changes. I don’t feel that it’s my place to pretend I am okay at the cost of myself, for the benefit of the “status quo” anymore, so I don’t deny myself my emotions. However, I allow changes in my relationships, because people evolve and deserve that grace. Taking care of my reactions and emotions creates space for a variation of relationships to blossom. It may not be what I envision at all times, but it is what we ALL need, so that is what matters to me. No one should be forced to support you, if they don’t have the tools to help.

Photo by Adonyi Gu00e1bor on Pexels.com

So this year, after reflecting on the constant emotional rejection and social pressures of being less sensitive, I reached out to a friend of mine that I knew would have a deeper and more compassionate perspective, from personal experience. I knew we would softly discuss my own irritation with bothering myself and other people with my sensitivity. It saddened me to know that my emotional self caused irritation to people (and myself) at my most vulnerable moments at times. But I am learning to let that go. No one cares like I do at times. And guess what? That is who I am. No one else experiences my emotions for me, besides me! So why do others have to tell me it’s okay? I have the ability to feel SO DEEPLY. But it doesn’t have to be scary. Remember that emotions are so fleeting.

Even if there is always a desire from others to justify the constant desire to change my nature, rather than a desire to nurture and understand it, I refuse to go against my nature and my superpower. I have learned to practice drawing the line on my reactions instead. I experience emotions, but it is up to me how they affect me.

Photo by RF._.studio on Pexels.com

“My emotions cannot hurt me.”

Jelissa Lebron

Everyone can benefit from a sensitive person in their group, but not everyone has the patience or compassion skills for the mistakes they will make along the way. But that drove me to find ways to change my perspective and drop that unnecessary weight within myself!

Your sensitivity is your superpower! But that comes with a huge responsibility: harness your power and know when to use it.

Photo by Bert on Pexels.com

It’s hard not to feel alone, embarrassed, rejected, and mocked for being yourself, all while learning your gifts. Especially when you have felt that way your whole life. Not everyone will understand. Learn to be okay with that, and you will find a different kind of peace. This world is full of paradoxes and painful reminders of our shortcomings. Choose to see the better side of it too. You need to find your balance. Being an empath or a sensitive person can be challenging. Embrace it anyway!

Duality, like a double edged sword, takes practice in handling. If you focus on only one side, the sweetness, then the other side, the bitterness, cuts deep. Too much of either one is poison. Balance will be your greatest tool of protection! You are capable. Trust yourself to walk through the trenches, while remembering that the light will follow soon.

Love forever,

Daniposa 🤍

Cleansing Tears

In honor of fiery Aries season, I felt that a blog post about anger was appropriate and timely!

Photo by ArtHouse Studio on Pexels.com

If you ask my friends and family to describe me, angry is not one of the first words they use. It’s usually the opposite! I’m sweet, caring and warm. But anger was always something I struggled with from young age up through my late-twenties. It was a huge area of pain, grief and shame for me that I was determined to confront and understand. Now I am choosing to take care of my anger.

Today, traffic was truly chaotic and challenging. Aries season, the sunny day and warm weather, Spring break, tax season—whatever it is—has people impatient and reckless right now. Needless to say, I broke down in tears once I got home. But not before I was a bit reactive on the way home. Someone almost crashed into me trying to merge into me getting into their lane (confusion), someone else flipped me off and I returned it back (unnecessary). I finally get home and then parking is chaotic and inconsistent. All that… only to walk into my house with my entire family standing right there staring at me smiling playing with our dog. I was so angry that I was angry, because I was really having such a great day, and just wanted to get home safely to enjoy that moment. But despite knowing I had a right to feel angry, I managed to greet my family peacefully enough to not transfer my energy. Then I went straight to my room and vented a bit to my husband. It was such an overwhelming day.

Photo by Du01b0u01a1ng Nhu00e2n on Pexels.com

Then the guilt set in about my reactions to people on the road today, because it was angry and aggressive, and I just don’t like spending energy on things that won’t matter tomorrow. I almost started to go into the anger but then just felt it in me to let myself cry. So I surrendered and forgave myself and the strangers, and chose to move on to do better tomorrow. But it took me a long time to get here, and it was really hard and painful. But it has been rewarding and liberating.

Being raised in a family of survivalists made that moment of vulnerability that I chose so much richer in beauty, because I really did improve in my care for my anger than ever before. It used to be more dramatic for me. I was born, have always been and will always be a sensitive person. My natal chart shows my moon is in the sign of Cancer, in its home of feelings and moods. Call it however you want, blame it on my moon sign, my upbringing, or just my personality: I am sensitive. I need to be handled with care in those tender moments. I need to be allowed to cry and feel.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

There are moments when I want to cry but anger always rises first so that I can defend myself. (And to top it off, I can feel other people’s feelings too, which is so complicated and messy in itself.)

Unfortunately, my parents didn’t understand that and just didn’t know what to do with me. So for a long time, they taught me to “stop crying” and “get over it.” I felt rejected for simply FEELING. And when the repression didn’t work, I got my ass handed to me with physical and verbal punishment. So I repressed all expressions of negative emotions, and isolated myself, leading to deep rooted self-hate and explosions. I hated myself and my sensitivity because it led to physical and verbal punishment and abuse. I was constantly rejected. I was “too much” for everyone. It was a constant hot-cold switch activation whenever I was confronted with really heavy emotions, whether they were mine or not. I felt so overwhelmed because for decades I didn’t think it was okay to cry. The brain connection of those emotions led to a DEEP tension in my chest from the buildup of emotions begging to come out, with even deeper defenses shoving them down.

Photo by Hernan Pauccara on Pexels.com

I come from a household that believed in the school-of-thought that physical punishment was effective, because that was what they were taught. They were probably dealing with worse than what they did to us, all while experiencing literal wars. My father lost his entire home at 15, and was left no other option but to enter the army. My mother was independent, living on her own, and working at the age of 12. We were beaten into submission generation after generation in different intensities. I understand now that it was just a terrible cycle of abuse that forced everyone into a shocking and fearful state of survival and defense. We would hurt ourselves and others in different ways because of the painful pathways of our mind. The sweetest, purest and most clearheaded aspect of ourselves was shoved into the darkest depths of our mind, hidden away and shamed for its mere existence.

That manifested in really different ways for everyone. We are all so similar and also so unique, just in how we each deal with it. I saw myself in dark times when I would become really aggressive or closed off. It was usually verbal or physically inflicted upon myself. The words or silence that came out of my mouth could cut wounds soul-deep. But I was tired of going there so I chose to stop. I was constantly defending myself. How could such a sweet and kind person become so aggressive or closed off at times? I didn’t even know my own power. My defenses were grandiose and often unnecessary.

Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

The breaking point for me came when I would self-sabotage and my anger spiraled into depressive episodes. I would flip my whole world upside down with everything and everyone inside of it in my mind and just implode and disconnect from everything and everyone. I hated the heaviness of the emotions so much that I literally wanted to cause destruction and die. I didn’t want to get hurt anymore. The self-hate was so deep and suicidal thoughts plagued me every time I was face-to-face with emotions that were deeply unpleasant. I felt like I couldn’t handle it.

But I am grateful I never succeeded in cutting my life short, despite the weakness I felt being alive.

The sweetest, purest and most clearheaded aspect of myself was whispering to come out to find strength again and change the outcome this time. I was tired of feeling so low and out.

So I let myself cry.

Photo by Andre Moura on Pexels.com

Finally.

And it was the most healing thing I ever felt. Finally! But these tears were different.

There was no more shame. Tears with no shame. Just surrender. But it was a battle.

There is a bit of residual energy sometimes, but it’s usually because the growth and challenges are deeper. That DEEP tension in my chest from the buildup of emotions begging to come out was always met with hesitation and defense. I had to protect myself from being hurt every time I needed to cry. Now, at 27 years of age, I am allowing that pain to flow and go, so the tears can cleanse me and release that tension. Even though it’s bittersweet to know that it took me 27 years to feel my feelings safely within myself, I am so happy I am here now. It’s much easier now, too! My internal world is so rich and resilient. All I ever needed was a moment of recognition. I have my human moments, but I broke the cycle of abuse. The last thing I want to do is abuse anyone into submission when unpleasant feelings visit us. I refuse to set someone else back because of my unchecked emotions.

We are all human. We all go through mood swings. We all have moments. But I had to learn to be accountable at all times without shame! Your emotions are yours to feel. There should be no shame attached to that because you have every right to your feelings. However, your emotional responses are still your responsibility, especially if you inherited and adopted them. Growth is about knowing when to do the work.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

We all have imperfect moments. But I had to save myself by loving and embracing myself through choice. What saves you is your belief of yourself. When you take responsibility for YOUR end of your emotional responses, you open the door for growth in a way that is deeply personal. It transformed the relationship I have with myself and others. So I’m working at it every single day and meeting myself with compassion and tenderness. I look at things with hope and faith, so I can change the narrative for myself and the next generation.


Part of the work I had to do in understanding and handling my anger came with educating myself on what exactly anger meant to me. So I chose to read Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh, and I learned so much.

What stood out to me the most was this excerpt:

You have to be like a mother listening for the cries of her baby. If a mother. . . hears her baby crying, she puts down whatever she is doing, and goes to comfort her baby. The first thing she does is pick up the baby and embrace him tenderly. When the mother embraces her baby, her energy . . . soothes him. This is exactly what you have to learn to do when anger begins to surface. You have to abandon everything that you are doing, because your most important task is to go back to yourself and take care of your baby, your anger. Nothing is more urgent than taking good care of your baby. . . [Just like a mother’s touch, the touch of a] hand [offers] a lot of freshness, love, and compassion . . . The hand of your mother is your own hand. Her hand is still alive in yours, if you know how to breathe in and out, to be mindful . . . You will have the same energy of love and tenderness for yourself. The mother holds her baby with mindfulness, fully concentrated on him . . . [allowing for relief] but also to find out what is wrong with him . . . As practitioners, we have to be anger specialists. We have to attend to our anger; we have to practice until we understand the roots of our anger and how it works.

Caring For Your Baby, Anger
Anger, Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh
Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on Pexels.com

It might sound silly or dramatic, but it’s not. It’s IMPERATIVE in handling our anger the best way possible. I was met with brick walls, but had to break them down and trust myself in order to get where I am. I used to have crazy road rage moments but I had to be responsible and make better choices for myself. I needed better tools! My anger would not control my life anymore.

Joy is on the other side. It’s hard to love when you’ve been taught to hate. But it is never too late to teach yourself what they didn’t teach you. It is your birthright to have a better life. Allow yourself to learn different skills to care for yourself. 2021, the shaming is done!

Uplifting everyone in spirit and prayer on your journey to love and care of yourself (and your baby, anger). 💛

Love always, Daniposa 🦋

#TraumaTalk

For a too long I navigated life with lenses of anger, resentment, and fear. I was afraid of love, and quite honestly, just didn’t know how to accept genuine kindness and affection. I was treated like sh*t a lot in my life, so I really believed that to be true.

Part of it was out of my control, at the hands of my beautiful and imperfect loved ones.

Traumas were passed down like heirlooms.

Daniposa

The other part of it was from my own doing, in bringing those same dynamics to life in my other relationships, based on the belief that I wasn’t worth much. So I people-pleased. A LOT. I do a lot of self-talk and make sure I do consider myself now.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

For a while, I just couldn’t snap out of those dynamics, or those belief systems, because it was SO deep and its roots were at the CORE of my soul. But I was determined to change it, because I just couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to die, because that was my life. I hated every second of it, and I WAS THE ONE who held onto this idea of life and implemented those beliefs for so long. And it did serve me, at the time for survival. But TODAY… it just destroys me, and I deteriorate, forfeiting a life of abundance in that state of being.

So I disappeared, when I was afraid because I didn’t believe I was shit! And I didn’t know how to speak up, or stand firm in what I felt or believed, whenever someone disagreed or was upset with me, or upset me. And most of the time, I didn’t have anything to say because I didn’t have the energy, or I just didn’t see the point in talking to someone that was set on misunderstanding me.

But there were PLENTY of times where I shut myself down, when I should have spoken up.

Why?

Fear.

Of what?

Everything and everyone. Not being “perfect.” And a huge part of that thinking came from my Christian upbringing, as a Pastor’s kid that was judged and micro-analyzed, and “molded” to be a “good example” to the world. I mean… phew. Forget my humanity. Hard doesn’t begin to describe that experience.

And to some, it’s not, and that’s just what it is. But to me, it was. That was the foundation of my faith, of my spiritual walk, of my spiritual beliefs of God and myself. I was living a life in pursuit of perfection, and I wanted to die and disappear every single time I fell short. I didn’t believe I was worthy of ANYTHING good when I was stuck in my imperfections, because if it was negative or bad it meant the devil was near. So I demonized a lot of negative emotions and experiences, when in reality, they were normal, real and just human.

Photo by Thiago Matos on Pexels.com

So how could I possibly be happy? How could I possibly claim to be myself? Truthfully, I didn’t feel like I had been myself, nor present, for a loooong time. Too long. I was a constant force of energy, bouncing from place-to-place, not having anything that I could truly depend on, with no true and set foundation for ME. And that was my fault, in a lot of ways. But in a lot of other ways, it wasn’t.

Regardless of fault, I knew one thing: it was MY responsibility to change it. Life comes with guarantees of death and pain. And at one point, that meant despair and hopelessness. But now, I see those two circumstances as FUEL. They are inevitable, and often carry the GREATEST lessons that I have ever learned. They are filled with lessons that we truly NEED. Purpose and hope are also guaranteed, with the condition that you have faith. That is always the best source of strength.

Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com

So often we are focused on happiness, love, joy and all the good things in life. And we should be, so we don’t lose hope. But I have learned that I cannot deny or pretend that pain and death don’t exist, or visit often. So I had to come to peace with that, I had to find the good in that darkness. I had to change my life around, and see things differently. I needed to trust that the darkness would produce in me a different strength, and would give me all the tools I need to survive this sometime-cold-sometime-phenomenal world. I needed the darkness to teach me to find my way, no matter the circumstances.

Photo by Wesley Carvalho on Pexels.com

This is a dynamic life we live full of hypocrisies, inconsistencies, extremes, and crazy experiences. But I’ve learned to coexist with both the good and the bad, not carrying fear in my heart. I am no longer demonizing myself or others for their imperfections and shortcomings. I am no longer carrying the pain as something that doesn’t belong, nor am I clinging. Because it belongs there, just as much as my joy, and it deserves the time, the honor, and the acknowledgment. And then I deserve to release it. I’m also extending grace, love, and compassion to others in the same way I show it to myself, because we all need it and deserve it now more than ever.

Photo by Wendy Wei on Pexels.com

This is just the beginning. I hope that if you are someone that relates, you feel encouraged. I see you. I understand you. And I will share my journey with you, for as long as I can. Negativity is overflowing in this world. I hope this little flutter of positivity makes its way to your eyes, to soothe your grieving heart.

Eternally, Daniposa 💛🦋