Something about the end of the year brings a sense of peace and action into the atmosphere. Families and friends gather to celebrate the holidays, workplaces are busy and also festive, and the cold brisk nights brings people together to seek warmth and comfort.
It’s also Sagittarius season! The optimistic, scholarly and enthusiastic centaurs have come out to play, so there is a light and bright energy coming through to pump the energy back up. After the intense transformation of the Scorpio season, this joyful time is needed.
This year, though, things feel different. Ever since the pandemic, things have really become so internal and personal, which is good in many ways! It might feel lonely, and truly in a lot of ways it is. But I believe that solitude for a season does the spirit well!
I’m a native NY LI’er and even though I spent most of my days on the island, I would always venture into the city for adventures and fun. I cannot believe that in early 2020 and before, we would really be so close to one another. The subways were notoriously crowded and bunched together, and the idea of personal space was so far fetched. But today, walking through NYC feels spacious oddly!
As hard as it was to adjust, I personally appreciated the personal space that the pandemic forced. There were so many cons that burdened us as a society that came with the pandemic. But I did my best to find as many pros as I could to bring balance to the chaos of our new reality, in true Sagittarius form. I come from a pretty decent sized family, so boundaries and personal space felt like a luxury most times.
I do miss the carefree nature we used to have, unafraid of the cold and flu season; yet in the same breath, I feel relief that boundaries are a common thing now.
I have always felt a common thread that was woven through everyone, where community was the driving force for so many of our daily decisions. But as we were separated from our loved ones in fear, I think we learned to find comfort in our own selves and bodies.
Solitude has a powerful way of teaching you life’s lessons, so that you learn them and never forget them. I believe that solitude and silence are deep forms of meditation that we often need, but label as unimportant or unnecessary in some cases. But I have found that meditation, solitude and silence are the cornerstone of my mental health these days.
We are always expected to have a response, or an answer to a question. But sometimes, we simply do not have anything to say, or we shouldn’t!
Pause before you react.
That quote was PIVOTAL for me this year. I spent the first quarter of my life being a little ticking time bomb, reacting and making waves over everything. But as time has progressed, and I get closer to my 30’s (saturn return), I find silence to be my most favorable tool.
Silence and reflection keep me grounded. I used to think I needed to let it be known how I felt, because in some way, that confrontation would validate that emotion for me. But now I KNOW, only I validate my emotions, and not everything needs to be spoken on in that moment.
I do believe and love talking things out, because I love open and fluid communication. But not everything requires a response immediately or at all. Some things are truly better left unspoken. It’s pertinent for your peace. Peace is gold.
As we enter this refreshing season of optimism, reflect on your needs, embrace the adventures, savor in the festivities, and spend some time with yourself. May this Sagittarius/end of the year season bring you fortune, blessings, and so much joy internally.
You can smell the crisp air and feel the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet. It’s officially feeling like the fall season.
With the Autumn approaching, of course we tend to think of the things that are changing in our lives, just like the seasons and the leaves. Change does sometimes mean losing something. However, it is also a beginning!
Our lives have ebbs and flows. Ends and beginnings are illusions. Starting over is nothing more than recognizing The Pause before picking up your thread and continuing to weave your own story.
Molly M. Cantrell-Kraig
All of those cliches we heard our entire lives finally make sense and apply! As painful as changes can be, they also present us with opportunities for something new. New is what we need!
Every exit is an entrance to someplace else.
Routines and rituals are so important to our day-to-day lives. But we can get caught up and locked up in them, not leaving space for growth. Often times what we need most, when things feel stagnant and boring, is a change! It’s like adding flavor to plain frosting.
You gain so much versatility and strength when you learn to be adaptable and flexible. We talk about those skill sets a lot when it relates to work, but I think that we should apply it to our lives on a more granular level. Do you remember those movie scenes where time passes by so quickly, but nothing really changes? Those time lapse moments happen when we go into autopilot, and we are no longer actively participating in our lives, and just moving our bodies through the day.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes that’s just where life is, and things have to get done, so autopilot helps you to gain your energy back while that moment passes. But when you remain in autopilot for so long, you aren’t driving anymore.
It’s almost as if you’re giving up the control and allowing things to stay exactly where they are, no matter what roadblocks come. That’s dangerous iceberg territory.
Learning to go in different directions, allowing your options to remain flexible, is key to decreasing frustration and anxiety from your life. The mystery of what is to come can be a great thing, if you let it be.
As I mentioned in previous blogs, sometimes you can feel like the rug is pulled from beneath you. Learning to adapt and navigate the changes with more grace, patience, and fun makes it worth the challenge. Eventually you’ll feel the tugging before the big pull, and your feet will fly high enough to help you see the bigger picture from above, as you watch it land into cohesive fragments of life, ready to catch you.
What better time than NO-vember!? Say NO to everything outdated holding you back, and embrace making space for the new.
May this NO-vember bring you new beginnings, boundaries, beautiful experiences, and blissful bouncing. Plus, who doesn’t like the first taste of something new. It’s so refreshing!
As we enter fall and the end of the year, we also enter Scorpio season. The one thing that resonates most with me is the word transformation.
One of the reasons I love to study and utilize astrology is because it gives the planets around us, some pretty cool and accurate attributes. It’s just another way of understanding the world.
Scorpio season is the time most known for deep transformation. It’s so fitting, around the time of year where we also reflect on the past and the theme of death. To some, it can be scary or labeled in negative ways. But to me, it’s necessary and a part of life, so I choose to enjoy this season and reflect on my year.
We are constantly going through changes in life, minute by minute. So why is it so difficult to integrate those changes at times?
I think change can be so difficult to accept because DEEP down, we love consistency and peace. We’re constantly seeking it. But we cannot escape change, and to deny it is to choose dissonance and difficulty in life.
The reason I chose to use the name Daniposa, was because I blended Daniela + Mariposa (spanish word for butterfly), because I feel like I am constantly going through so many changes, and I am constantly evolving. The phase of change resonates so deeply with me. I used to be so annoyed and irritated with myself, and I would come down on myself, because I didn’t feel consistent or stable. But now that I have embraced that change is just a part of me, I flow so much more.
The hardest part of change is the adjustment period.
Just when you feel like you got your feet on the ground, it can feel like the rug was pulled from beneath you. It can be maddening. What has saved me, after all these years of revolving friendship circles, relationships and lessons, was the jump. I could always feel deep down that change was coming. Maybe it was because it kept happening, or maybe I got used to it, or simply my intuition — whatever the case, I was prepared to jump, so that I could always land on my feet when the changes came.
But we don’t always want to see or accept the changes, and we don’t always feel them coming. So there is always a chance that you’ll land on your back unsure of what happened. It can be so discombobulating and it can feel like you got the air kicked out of your body.
I have learned to cooperate with God and change. All of the transitions that we face, bring us closer to the truest version of ourselves. When we embrace what is unfolding naturally, and allow those things to fall into place as God throws it our way, we align ourselves with the most authentic version of ourselves. To deny it, is to deny yourself.
When I look back at it, I know that everything I have ever experienced, lost, gained, transformed, and broken, all served my growth and the most divine part of me. The losses brought me closer to God, myself, and my tribe. The gains gave me strength and pushed me to grow into a better version of myself. The experiences served as lessons and reminders that I am an eternal student in this life. The transformations allowed me to find a more authentic and fitting version of myself. The brokenness made room for evolution and readjustment in the areas where I am stubborn in my growth. It ALL served me in the highest way possible. So I have chosen to embrace it, and honor it, because I am just one step closer to my truest self.
Change is scary, and honestly brutally painful. But it is what makes the stepping stones toward the path of authenticity. I have chosen to embrace it and love it, thorns and all.
I hope this season of change is a powerful and peaceful one. Who you are today wouldn’t be possible without all of your past and its richness. Thank your past, embrace the changes of your present, and charge forward into the future with confidence. Trasmute and transform freely!
If you were ever labeled “sensitive”, “emotional”, “cry-baby”, etc. then this blog post is for you! If you’re irritated with people like this in your life, you should also take a chance and read this too, so you can better comprehend (even if you choose to distance yourself from them in the end! Wisdom never hurts.)
Sometimes it feels like this topic gets beaten over the head, and there’s always this frustration around sensitivity. I guess that’s probably why there are so many articles out there now. Truth is, I don’t care how many times I have to talk about it, or how people choose to see it, because everyone needs guidance at some point in their life, and sometimes an article makes the world of a difference. The articles I have read changed the feelings of worthlessness and inherent wrongness, to acceptance of myself, simply because I was able to connect with somebody that inner-stood! And I have found that even if I can’t always find an article to relate, just one can change the way I see and utilize my inner-strength. That one moment of support helped me achieve a much more independent state of self-validation, which is ultimately the goal.
It made a world of a difference, so I want to offer the same to someone that might feel this way too. Some people need to distract themselves to feel better. Others just need to talk or feel heard and seen. We all have different emotional needs! That’s the beauty of this life.
But when others are irritated with your emotional expression, and choose to shame and punish you for it, it is easy to fall into unhealthy patterns of repression and anger. I personally experienced that and had to fight off the urge to do what they did and fall back into old patterns when people treat me that way.
But today, I have learned to pause, retreat, review and respond. And sometimes, no response is the best response. Not everything is personal, no matter how much it may look personal. It’s a hard lesson to learn and accept, but people’s judgments and intolerances are connected to their personal worlds and wounds. Learning that and accepting that people can sometimes utilize that counterintuitive practice has helped me to let go of judgments that don’t relate to me. My sensitive nature can be strengthened, if only I choose to see it that way and work toward it. And how people feel about it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
“I don’t like the feeling around my emotional needs being judged” is no longer a viable reason for shutting down or doing what others think is best for me anymore. On the contrary, it is SUPER important to talk about these things with people that see you, or simply with yourself.That flow in communication is what makes its effects less painful, and it is through conversation that knowledge becomes wisdom.
But finding a listening ear, paired with compassionate honesty is like finding a rare gemstone, especially with how sensitivity can be portrayed these days. You’re seen as a burden, annoying, or even oblivious; and while you might manifest some negative traits here and there, you’re neither a burden nor annoying just for being yourself. You are growing! Growth is awkward and sometimes not the most appealing to the eye or heart. But you can be corrected and you can grow through that! You’re just around the wrong people. Tons of weight was dropped this year for myself and everyone around me, when I stopped emotionally dumping and questioned myself.
Even if necessary, it was truly so painful answering that question I didn’t like the idea of being alone with my feelings, mostly because I didn’t know what to do with them.
When we lose loved ones or become distant, it is devastating because losses can be unexpected and shocking, and some can be based around misunderstandings, too. In the past, I would immediately work to patch it up and work through the awkward energy. But today, I pause and think about the person before me. Maybe they aren’t in a good space, or I do not belong in close proximity anymore. Everyone is entitled to boundaries. But more importantly, some people may not know how to help you through those moments. I have learned to respect them and flow through the changes. I don’t feel that it’s my place to pretend I am okay at the cost of myself, for the benefit of the “status quo” anymore, so I don’t deny myself my emotions. However, I allow changes in my relationships, because people evolve and deserve that grace. Taking care of my reactions and emotions creates space for a variation of relationships to blossom. It may not be what I envision at all times, but it is what we ALL need, so that is what matters to me. No one should be forced to support you, if they don’t have the tools to help.
So this year, after reflecting on the constant emotional rejection and social pressures of being less sensitive, I reached out to a friend of mine that I knew would have a deeper and more compassionate perspective, from personal experience. I knew we would softly discuss my own irritation with bothering myself and other people with my sensitivity. It saddened me to know that my emotional self caused irritation to people (and myself) at my most vulnerable moments at times. But I am learning to let that go. No one cares like I do at times. And guess what? That is who I am. No one else experiences my emotions for me, besides me! So why do others have to tell me it’s okay? I have the ability to feel SO DEEPLY. But it doesn’t have to be scary. Remember that emotions are so fleeting.
Even if there is always a desire from others to justify the constant desire to change my nature, rather than a desire to nurture and understand it, I refuse to go against my nature and my superpower. I have learned to practice drawing the line on my reactions instead. I experience emotions, but it is up to me how they affect me.
“My emotions cannot hurt me.”
Everyone can benefit from a sensitive person in their group, but not everyone has the patience or compassion skills for the mistakes they will make along the way. But that drove me to find ways to change my perspective and drop that unnecessary weight within myself!
Your sensitivity is your superpower! But that comes with a huge responsibility: harness your power and know when to use it.
It’s hard not to feel alone, embarrassed, rejected, and mocked for being yourself, all while learning your gifts. Especially when you have felt that way your whole life. Not everyone will understand. Learn to be okay with that, and you will find a different kind of peace. This world is full of paradoxes and painful reminders of our shortcomings. Choose to see the better side of it too. You need to find your balance. Being an empath or a sensitive person can be challenging. Embrace it anyway!
Duality, like a double edged sword, takes practice in handling. If you focus on only one side, the sweetness, then the other side, the bitterness, cuts deep. Too much of either one is poison. Balance will be your greatest tool of protection! You are capable. Trust yourself to walk through the trenches, while remembering that the light will follow soon.
In honor of fiery Aries season, I felt that a blog post about anger was appropriate and timely!
If you ask my friends and family to describe me, angry is not one of the first words they use. It’s usually the opposite! I’m sweet, caring and warm. But anger was always something I struggled with from young age up through my late-twenties. It was a huge area of pain, grief and shame for me that I was determined to confront and understand. Now I am choosing to take care of my anger.
Today, traffic was truly chaotic and challenging. Aries season, the sunny day and warm weather, Spring break, tax season—whatever it is—has people impatient and reckless right now. Needless to say, I broke down in tears once I got home. But not before I was a bit reactive on the way home. Someone almost crashed into me trying to merge into me getting into their lane (confusion), someone else flipped me off and I returned it back (unnecessary). I finally get home and then parking is chaotic and inconsistent. All that… only to walk into my house with my entire family standing right there staring at me smiling playing with our dog. I was so angry that I was angry, because I was really having such a great day, and just wanted to get home safely to enjoy that moment. But despite knowing I had a right to feel angry, I managed to greet my family peacefully enough to not transfer my energy. Then I went straight to my room and vented a bit to my husband. It was such an overwhelming day.
Then the guilt set in about my reactions to people on the road today, because it was angry and aggressive, and I just don’t like spending energy on things that won’t matter tomorrow. I almost started to go into the anger but then just felt it in me to let myself cry. So I surrendered and forgave myself and the strangers, and chose to move on to do better tomorrow. But it took me a long time to get here, and it was really hard and painful. But it has been rewarding and liberating.
Being raised in a family of survivalists made that moment of vulnerability that I chose so much richer in beauty, because I really did improve in my care for my anger than ever before. It used to be more dramatic for me. I was born, have always been and will always be a sensitive person. My natal chart shows my moon is in the sign of Cancer, in its home of feelings and moods. Call it however you want, blame it on my moon sign, my upbringing, or just my personality: I am sensitive. I need to be handled with care in those tender moments. I need to be allowed to cry and feel.
There are moments when I want to cry but anger always rises first so that I can defend myself. (And to top it off, I can feel other people’s feelings too, which is so complicated and messy in itself.)
Unfortunately, my parents didn’t understand that and just didn’t know what to do with me. So for a long time, they taught me to “stop crying” and “get over it.” I felt rejected for simply FEELING. And when the repression didn’t work, I got my ass handed to me with physical and verbal punishment. So I repressed all expressions of negative emotions, and isolated myself, leading to deep rooted self-hate and explosions. I hated myself and my sensitivity because it led to physical and verbal punishment and abuse. I was constantly rejected. I was “too much” for everyone. It was a constant hot-cold switch activation whenever I was confronted with really heavy emotions, whether they were mine or not. I felt so overwhelmed because for decades I didn’t think it was okay to cry. The brain connection of those emotions led to a DEEP tension in my chest from the buildup of emotions begging to come out, with even deeper defenses shoving them down.
I come from a household that believed in the school-of-thought that physical punishment was effective, because that was what they were taught. They were probably dealing with worse than what they did to us, all while experiencing literal wars. My father lost his entire home at 15, and was left no other option but to enter the army. My mother was independent, living on her own, and working at the age of 12. We were beaten into submission generation after generation in different intensities. I understand now that it was just a terrible cycle of abuse that forced everyone into a shocking and fearful state of survival and defense. We would hurt ourselves and others in different ways because of the painful pathways of our mind. The sweetest, purest and most clearheaded aspect of ourselves was shoved into the darkest depths of our mind, hidden away and shamed for its mere existence.
That manifested in really different ways for everyone. We are all so similar and also so unique, just in how we each deal with it. I saw myself in dark times when I would become really aggressive or closed off. It was usually verbal or physically inflicted upon myself. The words or silence that came out of my mouth could cut wounds soul-deep. But I was tired of going there so I chose to stop. I was constantly defending myself. How could such a sweet and kind person become so aggressive or closed off at times? I didn’t even know my own power. My defenses were grandiose and often unnecessary.
The breaking point for me came when I would self-sabotage and my anger spiraled into depressive episodes. I would flip my whole world upside down with everything and everyone inside of it in my mind and just implode and disconnect from everything and everyone. I hated the heaviness of the emotions so much that I literally wanted to cause destruction and die. I didn’t want to get hurt anymore. The self-hate was so deep and suicidal thoughts plagued me every time I was face-to-face with emotions that were deeply unpleasant. I felt like I couldn’t handle it.
But I am grateful I never succeeded in cutting my life short, despite the weakness I felt being alive.
The sweetest, purest and most clearheaded aspect of myself was whispering to come out to find strength again and change the outcome this time. I was tired of feeling so low and out.
So I let myself cry.
And it was the most healing thing I ever felt. Finally! But these tears were different.
There was no more shame. Tears with no shame. Just surrender. But it was a battle.
There is a bit of residual energy sometimes, but it’s usually because the growth and challenges are deeper. That DEEP tension in my chest from the buildup of emotions begging to come out was always met with hesitation and defense. I had to protect myself from being hurt every time I needed to cry. Now, at 27 years of age, I am allowing that pain to flow and go, so the tears can cleanse me and release that tension. Even though it’s bittersweet to know that it took me 27 years to feel my feelings safely within myself, I am so happy I am here now. It’s much easier now, too! My internal world is so rich and resilient. All I ever needed was a moment of recognition. I have my human moments, but I broke the cycle of abuse. The last thing I want to do is abuse anyone into submission when unpleasant feelings visit us. I refuse to set someone else back because of my unchecked emotions.
We are all human. We all go through mood swings. We all have moments. But I had to learn to be accountable at all times without shame! Your emotions are yours to feel. There should be no shame attached to that because you have every right to your feelings. However, your emotional responses are still your responsibility, especially if you inherited and adopted them. Growth is about knowing when to do the work.
We all have imperfect moments. But I had to save myself by loving and embracing myself through choice. What saves you is your belief of yourself. When you take responsibility for YOUR end of your emotional responses, you open the door for growth in a way that is deeply personal. It transformed the relationship I have with myself and others. So I’m working at it every single day and meeting myself with compassion and tenderness. I look at things with hope and faith, so I can change the narrative for myself and the next generation.
Part of the work I had to do in understanding and handling my anger came with educating myself on what exactly anger meant to me. So I chose to read Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh, and I learned so much.
What stood out to me the most was this excerpt:
You have to be like a mother listening for the cries of her baby. If a mother. . . hears her baby crying, she puts down whatever she is doing, and goes to comfort her baby. The first thing she does is pick up the baby and embrace him tenderly. When the mother embraces her baby, her energy . . . soothes him. This is exactly what you have to learn to do when anger begins to surface. You have to abandon everything that you are doing, because your most important task is to go back to yourself and take care of your baby, your anger. Nothing is more urgent than taking good care of your baby. . . [Just like a mother’s touch, the touch of a] hand [offers] a lot of freshness, love, and compassion . . . The hand of your mother is your own hand. Her hand is still alive in yours, if you know how to breathe in and out, to be mindful . . . You will have the same energy of love and tenderness for yourself. The mother holds her baby with mindfulness, fully concentrated on him . . . [allowing for relief] but also to find out what is wrong with him . . . As practitioners, we have to be anger specialists. We have to attend to our anger; we have to practice until we understand the roots of our anger and how it works.
Caring For Your Baby, Anger Anger, Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh
It might sound silly or dramatic, but it’s not. It’s IMPERATIVE in handling our anger the best way possible. I was met with brick walls, but had to break them down and trust myself in order to get where I am. I used to have crazy road rage moments but I had to be responsible and make better choices for myself. I needed better tools! My anger would not control my life anymore.
Joy is on the other side. It’s hard to love when you’ve been taught to hate. But it is never too late to teach yourself what they didn’t teach you. It is your birthright to have a better life. Allow yourself to learn different skills to care for yourself. 2021, the shaming is done!
Uplifting everyone in spirit and prayer on your journey to love and care of yourself (and your baby, anger). 💛
Starting off this new week with a negative test result, and my soul feels like it can breathe! This experience was truly something I will never forget.
I’ve watched how this pandemic has garnered a paradoxical wave of divided sentiments, panic-riddled and nonchalant reactions, leaving the afflicted persons with so many contradicting emotions and choices of response and treatment. I’ve watched social media platforms like Instagram take down posts SUGGESTING holistic remedies that people have used that succeeded in helping them during their personal experience with the virus! Instead, we’re recycling old remedies with western medicines that treat only the symptoms (same as the holistic medicine, if you ask me). It felt unfair to be fed the same medicinal methods used for the common cold, with the denial of anything else being shared saying otherwise on these platforms! I felt so lost, so uninformed, and to top it all off, I had different experiences each medical visit. I was even told that you should not re-test if you tested positive for at least 90 days because you could test positive, but you’re not infectious anymore so you can go back to work.
In my personal experience, I have discovered that you just have to know your own health and operate from that knowledge. If holistic measures are your preferred method, then go with that. If you find that your body responds to OTC medicines and methods, then go with that. I personally have seen and felt a tremendous difference in my body in response to holistic medicinal methods. It’s definitely a slower and longer process, but it works long-term at maintaining your health, which is my ultimate personal health goal.
This quarantine offered me the opportunity to really clean house in so many ways: literally, physically, mentally and emotionally. The American workdays of 9AM-5PM don’t always allow the space for that type of development. Being home for 2 weeks allowed me the space to do things I have been trying to accomplish for months, and even years. I felt free and so much more energized because I was able to tackle so many important things. I come from a HARD-working family of Salvadoran immigrants that don’t know how to take breaks because they simply cannot. It’s always about survival.
But I learned something new about myself during my quarantine. I can definitely operate in that way, and I have so many skills that I learned from living in survival-mode that kept me safe and alive for a long time. I am grateful for what survival taught me. But I learned that I cannot thrive with that mentality, or with that behavior after I no longer need to operate in survival-mode.
It’s really hard when you live paycheck-to-paycheck, not sure if you will have enough for rent, bills, and good quality food, all while living under questionable conditions.
You have no other options in those moments. But I am blessed to be in better conditions now, with the ability to relax more! It’s still not easy, especially during hard times like these, but I am still so blessed and have found so much comfort in the quality of the life I do have.
But that’s the thing, I had to create that quality. It was all in my mentality. To me, poverty is spiritual deficit, not so much financial deficit. (This of course is not to discredit anyone’s experience with poverty, but a different perspective on the vocabulary.) One thing I am grateful for is the humility I acquired in witnessing the life of my family in El Salvador.
The difference of technology all-around was like night and day. Some areas were so rural that they needed to create water wells in their backyards for a water source, with outdoor hut fire-pit kitchens, linens hand-washed in the nearby rivers, hanging on handmade clotheslines. It was truly such a difference to the life I have here in New York. But the spirit of the community was so high and so warm, as we sat by the fire pits and grabbed coconuts off the trees to help wash down the rabbit and iguana that was cooked (which they caught earlier that day). It was different and definitely helped me to see how the earth and land provided everything that was needed. It was no easy life but I felt like I could REST, regardless of the circumstances because I still had food, shelter, and community! Conditions weren’t the best, BUT my family made the best out of what they were given, and they found time to rest and enjoy even under what most describe as bad conditions and circumstances.
I found so much joy in that moment, and it popped up again for me one day as a beautiful reminder to be grateful for what I have, to make the best of what I have every day. So I decided to drop the mentality that I couldn’t rest, because my family made time even in times of financial poverty. The spirit never took a hit, because it adjusted and found gratitude and rest in those moments.
Rest is NECESSARY. The beautiful thing about it, to me, is that it comes in so many shapes and forms. Rest can be as simple as sleeping, or it can be as complicated as doing a full wellness routine. Rest is simply doing something for YOU! Rest is all about your needs and giving yourself an opportunity to recenter and realign yourself to your best self. Rest is not only for your body. It is ESSENTIAL for your spirit.
Today, take some time to reflect on how you can rest on a daily, because you need it and deserve it. Rest needs to be made a priority the same way water and food are priorities. Redefine rest for yourself and don’t be afraid to apply it now! You deserve it. 💜
Have a good day, beautiful readers. Love always, Daniposa. 🥰
I found out I was sick and I was a mess that day! I had lost my sense of smell the night before (Sunday, the 21st of February) and I had an internal mini panic attack because I just knew I would test positive for COVID-19.
That next day, a rapid test confirmed my fear to be true. I cried the entire day, and fell into a quick spiral of fear and sadness, triggered by the memories of my own experiences with losing a loved one to the virus. But I thank God for my beautiful family and tribe for nursing me back to health during one of my most vulnerable moments. My parents cooked and brought soups and essentials to help strengthen me. My sisters showered me with teas, natural remedies, and supplements that literally built up my nervous and immune systems. And my brothers kept me hydrated and snacked up so I would be strong. I didn’t expect the outpour of love and covering that I received, but I am humbled and grateful forever. I don’t believe I would have recovered as quickly or as well as I did without my people. It was all of their support that brought me back to health so quickly.
I’m on day 8 of my quarantine and feel 90% back to myself. My personal experience with the virus was like a really bad sinus and body cold. I had such a terrible headache the Friday before I got tested, and was struggling to sleep the whole weekend. I was feeling stuffy and more fatigued, but I thought that it was just the snow. I always get sick when the weather flip-flops from hot to cold. If you’re from New York, you know we have 10000000 different seasons in one day! So catching a cold is not a rare sighting during this season. But one thing I did feel that was wiping me OUT was the loss of smell and nasal pain. It was like my nose was just dry and almost naked, with my nerve endings exposed. It was a desert. It felt so exposed, but also so useless at the same time. It was a painful paradox. I am grateful I didn’t lose my taste though! Because that would have been so depressing. But it was still so peculiar not being able to smell anything. I am still clearing out all the mucus in my chest and throat but it’s clearing up day-by-day. Two more days and I will get retested for work in-person clearance. I’ve definitely enjoyed the time at home, but I do miss being at work and look forward to being at the office again.
If this has taught me anything, it’s to stop playing with my health. A lot of people I know from different areas of the state tested positive around the same time that I did, so I knew that we were all affected by a wave. Regardless, it definitely scared me into taking care of myself. I am sad that it took for this for me to finally put my health first; nonetheless, MESSAGE RECEIVED and actions taken! Plus I now have first hand experience and antibodies! And I am grateful to be recovering fully, by the grace of God and support of my soul tribe.
What I Used to Heal & Build Up My Immune System:
My friends and family all had great suggestions for building up my immune system and health. I used some of the following methods that really helped and wanted to share with anyone afflicted looking for more holistic methods of healing. I do urge you to please do your research and make sure these remedies don’t interfere with any allergies or preexisting medical conditions, if you do want to try them.
– Respiratory steam: eucalyptus leaves, mint/eucalyptus oil, fresh sliced citrus fruits (orange, lime, lemon, grapefruit), menthol crystals, cinnamon sticks, and fresh lavender herbs and dried citrus peels. Put all ingredients in a pot in water and let brew until boiling, then turn off flame and remove pot from stove and then steam face at safe distance with towel over head for 15 minutes. (Courtesy of Imani Cohen, @thehoodhealer)
– Fresh soups and WHOLE foods (I cannot stress this enough: eat as healthy as possible! Give your body a chance to build itself up and choose foods that will help your body, and not harm it. Food is medicine! Don’t let medicine become your food. Prevention is always better than cure!)
– Ginger, lemon, honey tea
– Lime, 1 tbsp baking soda, water. Boil and then drink every 30 mins until finished with pot.
– Fresh ginger root, lemon, garlic, and onion. Place all chopped ingredients in pot and boil. Once boiling, turn off flame and drink just the tea every 30 mins until finished with pot.
I am praying for all people affected by this virus. Last year in April, my family experienced the devastating loss of my aunt Rosibel, due to COVID. I miss my aunt so much. 💔 The (1) one-year anniversary of her transition is coming up soon and it’s just not the same without her. 🤍 I’m so grateful for the time we had, and pray for her immediate family, that God allows them to feel her presence ALWAYS, as they are comforted by the Spirit. 🙏🏽🤍 I pray for all families that are reflecting on the scary and traumatizing times we faced (1) one year ago at the start of this pandemic. It’s so mind-boggling to me that it’s almost 1 year from when we shut down as a country and nation and faced a pandemic together. A year later, and we are still being affected. Stay safe, healthy, and mentally strong. Hold close to your loved ones, and remember to always put your health first!
I’m so grateful for surviving this experience, and even more grateful for recovery and healing. Happy March, my beautiful readers!
Since I was forced to be in quarantine for 10 days, I took some time to clean my house. It has been hard being locked inside, but it has also served such a powerful purpose in my life for realignment and resetting the scene. I found my college Senior project, and wanted to share it with you all! We had to create a book of poems, and I named my book “Willful Promises.”
Now that I think on it, I don’t really remember why I named it that. Regardless, I am so proud of this old project that I created with my own hands. I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what your favorite poems are from my book. Try to guess mine! 😉
I know, I know…. they were just tiny little white lies. But they piled up over the years, and now it’s too much, so I have to come clean. It’s so embarrassing. I don’t want to be a liar. So… why have I been lying by omission?
Well… for many reasons. I was conditioned to believe that my value came from my selflessness and service to others. I love serving and helping! It truly does bring me so much just and peace. But I took it to an extreme and it got to a point of burnout, because I never wanted to disappoint others, and I never wanted to feel useless. So I lied…. and in turn I was useful and a “kind” person. But the person who suffered in the end was me. I was dishonest about my feelings and pushed myself WAY BEYOND my limits for the sake of others. Way beyond my boundaries allowed. Why? Because I would be okay! I would just nurse myself back to health, RIGHT? Not quite. My health always suffered. I would suffer in silence because of my appearance of strength. You can call it pride! I would carry resentment in my heart when I burned out and no one noticed. Then I wanted to disappear. It’s a never ending pattern and cycle of self-inflicted abuse. Ultimately, no one forced you to do what you did, or give what you gave.
But what if the burden crushes you, Daniela? Why are you people pleasing so much, Daniela?
Now that I look back at it, it is so selfish and self-serving to walk in that level of dishonesty. I used to think it only affected me, and was slapped in the face with the reality of how it can affect everyone.
Lies always have a ripple effect, and trying to keep up with the lies is where the decomposition of the soul begins.
I was dishonest for way too long, covering it up because it came from a place of “kindness.” I could never JUST walk away. “I feel bad.” “They need help.” “They don’t have anyone else.” But regardless of my intention of supporting, I was wrong for walking in dishonesty or assuming those things. I was wrong for not pausing first to evaluate my ability to be present in my decision to commit to something. I owed it to myself to only give within my limitations. We all have limits, and to deny yourself your own limits, is to self destruct.
I read this article on Medium about people pleasers and it was a brutally hard truth to read. It was an article about me, basically!!! It showed me a glimpse of who I can potentially become if I keep this up. So this year, I made a decision that I am going to speak my truths. I know it won’t be easy, and it probably won’t sit well with a lot of people, but it’s just time. I will probably backtrack a few times, before I get it! I’m nervous, and I feel like a little girl all over again — afraid to assert myself and tell people how I feel regardless of what they have to say about it. But what am I so afraid of!?
The truth is: newfound boundaries and limits should pose NO threat to any relationship that is true and genuine. Anyone not willing to respect that, simply doesn’t respect you. You are not asking for a lot. You are asking for respect.
“People who say ‘yes’ to everything don’t excel in a single thing. They are no fun to be around because they are often distracted. (You know that friend of yours who is always responding to emails or text messages while when you’re at lunch together). Because they’re doing so much, they are often unfocused and not fully present for the task or person they are engaged with. They move too quickly, juggle too many things, don’t get enough sleep, and can easily become clumsy, inefficient and unpleasant to be with.”
As I mentioned in my earlier blogs, I was raised in a world full of people pleasing. It was in our nature, embedded into our DNA from the moment we came earth-side. It was a part of life. As the child of a pastor, I was always required to serve with a humble and happy heart. No matter the circumstances, no matter my limits, because someone else had it rougher than us. In church, they called us “siervos de Dios” in Spanish, meaning “servants of God” — and for good reason because we served literally everyone. God would replenish us, after we poured ourselves empty. But no one is superhuman, and God still requires us to take care of ourselves.
I remember how much I disliked the busyness of my dad’s schedule. If I wanted to do something with him, it had to be put into his calendar, and usually it was last in line. He was always too busy. If I wanted to spend time with him, I had to be a part of his church schedule and work-life. I guess that’s where I got it from all these years later.
The reality of his choices eventually became mine too, because I followed in his footsteps and spread myself thin every chance that I got. My home base was just a charging base. It was a last resort, and not my sanctuary. I would only go there when I was completely and utterly EMPTY, neglecting the upkeep of my own home to help others with the upkeep of theirs. I would only stay until my battery was fully charged and ready to be deployed to work again. (For someone else of course.) But after decades of being on this planet, I just cannot do it anymore. I cannot keep up this pattern of disregard for myself. I cannot keep choosing to say “yes!” when deep inside I am screaming “NO.”
I know that these are my choice. I understand the role I have played in this. Even if it was a learned behavior, it’s still my responsibility to change it if it’s not serving me. I admire, respect, honor and love my parents, my upbringing, and all that I have learned. I am truly grateful. But time has shown me that this specific behavior is useless — it was never useful to lie about my limitations.
“Even non-manipulators can feel inclined to take advantage of the people pleaser’s generosity, because the people pleaser inadvertently encourages it by being too eager to ‘be of service’.” I was so easily swayed to do for others because of my old programming, my compassion and my old need to be of service and needed. I was too eager. It’s been a theme in my life. I was always this way with my friends, my family, my job. But that same codependency led to a deep depression because of how unfulfilling it really is at its core. Always looking to be there for everyone, looking out for everyone except myself. That betrayal has been so hard to forgive at times.
“People pleasers never find out what makes their heart sing.”
My biggest fear in this life is dying without ever utilizing my beautiful and preciously unique gifts. I almost lived out this fear. I am so talented, but I will be letting it all go to waste by people pleasing my way through life. I ran from my gifts all because of my fears and my old conditioning. But that all ended when I decided to start this blog. This is the most open I have ever been in my life with a whole bunch of strangers. It just feels like it’s time.
I’ll end this with one more quote from that article, to sum up this super long winded blog post.
“People pleasers miss out on the chance to discover who they are meant to be. In all their ‘trying to be’, they deprive the world of the most precious aspect of themselves — their unique, free spirit, which knows that life’s sacred purpose is to manifest the noble desires of one’s own heart, so the world can partake of new and joyful fruit. So don’t squander it trying to avoid a rotten tomato, or for bravos and encores.”