For winter this year, I decided to step away from social media and instead write an excerpt on my blog every month, if I could help it. Just for me! I decided that I want and need to check-in with myself and talk myself through my feelings, my thoughts, my life, and my goals until it is an active and fluid part of my nature.
I am usually such a silent person, keeping everything to myself. I keep my emotions at bay, and cater to the people around me very often. I only express my TRUE and REAL feelings to my most trusted companions.
I have been so guarded my entire life. Why? Because I was raised that way. In the past, I would express myself and wouldn’t feel understood. I felt like a bother just for HAVING FEELINGS! For years, it HURT so bad that I was in a deep depression about it. I hated my life. I hated myself for not speaking up. I hated myself for being so different, so emotional, so needy, so human, so…. sensitive.
But now, I am embracing that my sensitivity is truly my superpower — and that means that it requires a certain level of care and respect. I am really intuitive, really emotionally intelligent, and compassionate when I am at my best. But it’s truly a double-edge sword, if you don’t watch yourself or take care of your gift. You have to spend that time in solitude because a deep wisdom is within you.
I would put my gift in the hands of other people, as if they understood what to do with it. We have ALL gone through traumas in life…. let’s be real. But WAY TOO OFTEN, we disregard, dismiss, or deny the trauma of others that seems “melodramatic” or “insignificant” because of our own tainted lenses of life experience influencing our compassion. We can’t show up for others because we are too focused on our own wounds.
But see… that’s the biggest problem we face as human beings. Instead of trying to see each other and help each other, we succumb to the belief that our wounds are more important, belittle the experience of another person in the process.
As the “supporting” member of my current tribe, I have been involved in so many mediations and relationship hiccups, as someone who tried to give objective advice, while affirming my loved ones. But I’ve seen it and experienced it myself! Too often I saw people at odds with each other because they couldn’t take turns looking at each other’s wounds. It’s too painful.
I have personally felt the effects of this influence in my life. It caused me to shut down each time. But I don’t invest that way anymore. I no longer put my happiness and more importantly, MY VOICE, in the hands of other people. I deserve better, and I know better.
It took me a while to get here, and assert myself. But it truly felt like life or death. So I chose instead to operate in a way that is self-serving and serving to others in a BALANCED and HONEST way.
If you are anything like me, just know this: it’s never too late to change course. Choose yourself! Because in doing so, you choose the best path in life. When you choose yourself, charge yourself up, and honor your needs, you can show up as the best version of yourself, and serve 20x more diligently in TRUE love. You can be the vessel you want to really be in this world. Serve, but then rest!
Eternally, Daniposa 🦋🤍❤️🔥